by Eli Backhaus

Daylight basks on the church
While the priest preaches his biblical research


The community praises his teachings
While his words cause my spirit to quarrel and sting


The one who speaks on the pulpit is my father
The church worships me as a perfect preacher’s daughter


Only if they knew I am tormented and solely exist in the witches hour
I am a coward


My identity lies within a hidden chest


The key has fallen between the cracks of dusk and dawn
When will the silver lining of right and wrong be redrawn?


My soul sleeps in horror
As the cult I call my church roarers


If only they knew a deadly sin lies within the priests dwelling


In the depths of my closet a pink, purple, blue flag you will find
It is kept in a bind


My love for the same has been sacrificed
Oh God, when will you sanctify my hell sending sin?
I beg for you to cleanse my skin
Light it to flames for I am to blame


I am called to be a woman of God
But I am flawed


I have fallen in love with a woman’s spirit
My whole being fears it

I pray and plea for you to save me
Then you answer me


Suddenly the ticks on the clock breeches a block
A shooting star takes a breath in time
I grasp the time I’m given
My eyes squint to see the Lord’s writings upon the truth star


The script I see tattoos his love on me
It has not once changed
He does not blame or shame
He accepts my abundant love for my one and only


With the renewing rightness of his gift given to me
I pray the same star stops for the eyes of those designed like me


The chimes on the clock resume
But my old self at no time will presume


I am now devoted to my same spirited love and love for my God


Think no more of religion
But about a decision


To love my beloved God and to love who I desire


So I let my identity fly free
I hang my flag proudly
I am free to be me.

by Eli Backhaus

Eli Backhaus is an aspiring author. She writes poetry and spoken words nearly every day. This year Backhaus submitted a poem to Poetry Nation’s writing competition and advanced to the semi-finals. This poem is being published in a book with the works of other semi-finalists and finalist’s poetry. It will be available to purchase on Amazon or Barnes & Noble (online). Backhaus is excited to be moving forward in her journey to becoming a known author. She hopes to sign with a publisher and/or self-publish future books. When not writing poetry, Backhaus aspires to write fiction and non-fiction books. She wants to write and share her story about being a gay Christian living in a pastor’s household. Backhaus believes everyone should know they are loved and accepted by God, and that any church teachings otherwise are both hypocritical and detrimental. She hopes to reveal the truth about the wonderful person God has made all of us to be.

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