by Kamia Fair
My feelings have to be kept quiet to keep peace
Silence is beauty but not for me
Crying out for help but you don’t see me
I’m hurting but you don’t feel me
I’m breaking but you won’t uplift me.
When will my feelings matter?
Never, I see
My voice is so soft and sweet
My writing is LOUD as can be
I’m hurting peacefully, you wouldn’t know what that means.
Say I’m nonchalant and lazy
But you wouldn’t know the real me
Until I act crazy
Hot burning showers for relief,
Smiling but screaming like hell inside,
Begging god to keep my sanity!
Eighteen and so tired
When will “happy life” really begin for me?
Lost girl with not a soul to run to
“Stay strong” is what they tell you
But what if I’m weak and just can’t handle it?
When will my feelings actually matter to you?
Mixed emotions, your love
Is like a potion that I’m stuck to
Addicting and thrilling,
When will you love me like I want you to?
Speaking equals no peace
So I write what I feel
Say your thoughts and they won’t hear
I’m crying tears
I’m trapped in silence
Less to say, now I’m called “weird.”
Quiet people are in fear
When we speak we most likely say the wrong things
Your feelings won’t matter until you’re gone
No longer alone
Tear and fear-free.
An on-and-off button is what I need
My thoughts are eating me alive
To the point I can barely breathe
Acting normal is a skill for me
My feelings are hurt, can’t you see?
When will I be happy
And be able to show the real me?
About Kamia Fair
Kamia Fair was born and raised in Peoria, Illinois, and is a senior in high school at Manual Academy. Fair loves nature and R&B music. She has many personalities—one is a free spirit and another is closed in and shy. She loves anything that has a true meaning. Fair’s book is her voice and freedom. She likes to write about things like her past, present, and future, as well as the things she lives around. What inspired her to start writing poetry was trauma that happened in her past. It began as an every day journal, to finally bringing it out her inner self. Fair hopes to bring more people like herself from her community to write— or at least more people from her community to read what she speaks, and hope for it to inspire them and hope for them to hear her voice to feel where she is coming from.