My Feelings

by Kamia Fair 

My feelings have to be kept quiet to keep peace

Silence is beauty but not for me

Crying out for help but you don’t see me

I’m hurting but you don’t feel me

I’m breaking but you won’t uplift me.

When will my feelings matter?

Never, I see

My voice is so soft and sweet 

My writing is LOUD as can be

I’m hurting peacefully, you wouldn’t know what that means.

Say I’m nonchalant and lazy

But you wouldn’t know the real me

Until I act crazy

Hot burning showers for relief, 

Smiling but screaming like hell inside, 

Begging god to keep my sanity!

Eighteen and so tired 

When will “happy life” really begin for me?

Lost girl with not a soul to run to 

“Stay strong” is what they tell you 

But what if I’m weak and just can’t handle it?

When will my feelings actually matter to you?

Mixed emotions, your love 

Is like a potion that I’m stuck to

Addicting and thrilling, 

When will you love me like I want you to?

Speaking equals no peace 

So I write what I feel

Say your thoughts and they won’t hear

I’m crying tears 

I’m trapped in silence 

Less to say, now I’m called “weird.”

Quiet people are in fear 

When we speak we most likely say the wrong things

Your feelings won’t matter until you’re gone

No longer alone 

Tear and fear-free.

An on-and-off button is what I need     

My thoughts are eating me alive 

To the point I can barely breathe

Acting normal is a skill for me

My feelings are hurt, can’t you see?

When will I be happy 

And be able to show the real me?

About Kamia Fair

Kamia Fair was born and raised in Peoria, Illinois, and is a senior in high school at Manual Academy. Fair loves nature and R&B music. She has many personalities—one is a free spirit and another is closed in and shy. She loves anything that has a true meaning. Fair’s book is her voice and freedom. She likes to write about things like her past, present, and future, as well as the things she lives around. What inspired her to start writing poetry was trauma that happened in her past. It began as an every day journal, to finally bringing it out her inner self. Fair hopes to bring more people like herself from her community to write— or at least more people from her community to read what she speaks, and hope for it to inspire them and hope for them to hear her voice to feel where she is coming from.